I think that the best I could hope for out of life, would be that when people mention my name it gets painfully quiet and tense until somebody can change the subject.

Love...

Love is when you take it up the ass, despite the fact that you have a perfectly good pussy you're dying to use instead.


Love is when you suck it, not thinking about the fact it had been up your ass just the night before.


Love is when, the next day, you have that awkward moment in which you realize you've sucked on something that's been up your ass -- and realize you don't care.


That said, I now understand why they say only fools fall in love.

my cat likes to sit on my girlf and i's laps when we use the toilet, and he's gotten used to just jumping up on the toilet seat when he sees us going in there. well i go in, lift the seat, and start to pee in the dark, only i don't hear anything hitting the water...then i hear a REEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWRRRR!!!!

turn on the light and yep...i peed on the cat.

So I get on an elevator, and there's this really attractive blonde there. She looks at me and says "T-G-I-F!" with a really big smile on her face.


I look at her, smile, and say "S-H-I-T".


She looks confused for a minute, and still smiling, says again, "T-G-I-F".


I return her smile warmly (after all, she is fine!) and repeat "S-H-I-T".


She decided I don't get it, so she says, "No, no, no. T-G-I-F. Thank God It's Friday."


I give her my best grin and says, "S-H-I-T. Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."


God, I wanted to slap her.

Brag, brag, brag. So I sez to him I sez. Brag, brag, brag:

"Can I get you another Guiness?" - Trent Reznor

"Hello Mr.D, how are you this fine day?" - Kevin Crompton

"I could sit on your lap." - Lisa Loeb

"I'm wearing silver ginch too, see?" - Sarah McLachlan

"Let's take her and her sister to the strip bar." - Tyler from BNL

"Taco Bell huh? That's some cool shit." - Method Man

"Hey guys." - Peter Buck

A lady in Vancouver recently told the police she was concerned about all the deer being killed near a "deer crossing" sign in her neighbourhood.

She asked the police to move the "deer crossing" sign to a place where it would be safer for them to cross.

"The Ninja Of Getting Hammered"

She said "I think you're hitting something down there." I told her it was her cervix. She looked at me and said "I thought the cervix was only something teenaged girls with coathangers could reach." I knew I was in trouble ...

Rhinotillexomania

Google it

There is an old Latin saying, Ars est celare arlem. This means that true art is so subtle that it looks quite natural and simple -- it does not look contrived.