La Salsa Hombre
Onan's Bearnaise
Love Pollution
Saint Mayo's Spread of Desperation
Instant Daddy Mix

1. I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with human sacrifice?

2. Seriously, will you still be this interested in me after we've dated for a while?

3. Would you be able to tell if I were defecating right now?

4. I am French. Your money means nothing to me.

5. I can smell your panties through the phone.

The hand-job was perfect...she had lube...he was hot...and just as he reached the pinacle of orgasm...he farted.

My wife just called me in to the living room.
'Come check out this chicks rack!'
Marriage can be a good thing.

Shakuhachi festival and concert was this weekend. I ended up as part of the opening part of the concert with fellow students. And who is in the audience?

Linda (head of library at EA)
Kathie (assist to head of HR at EA)
Gary (Head of Paprican - UBC lab where I worked)
and....
William Gibson and his son!!!

I played for William Gibson! We had to get on stage and bow and stuff and my legs were jello.

I'm never going to get on a stage again for the rest of my life!

But that aside, the weekend was amazing and I learned stuff to keep me busy for 2 years or so and met amazing people that I may end up working with on music projects in the near future (ie: A guy who worked with Steve Riech and who want's to get back into electronic music)

Cool.

kindergarten music reviews

frances: could you turn this off?
sarah: you don't like it?
frances: no.
sarah: a lot of people think this is a great new band.
frances: who thinks that?
sarah: i don't know. music people.
frances: i think it sounds bad. it hurts my head like a hundred dogs.

How did you get this number?
Snap out of it
You're not making any sense
You misunderstand all meaning
I'm not falling for this one
Then whose war is it anyway?
Do just what I tell you
And no one will get hurt
Don't come any closer
You're not listening to this
And just for once could you
Let me finish my sentence?
Make no sudden movements
And no one will get hurt
Now, I've had it up to here
Don't ever try that again
Why are you so quiet so suddenly?
Go on, have it
You're just dying to try me
So, what do we do now?
What do we do now?

"Phone Conversation between the Kidnapper and the Cop" - Edit by Me

How did you get this number?
I can't get my head 'round you
Of course you're not coming over
Snap out of it
You're not making any sense

You couldn't be more wrong, darling
I never gave out these signs
You misunderstand all meaning
Snap out of it
I'm not falling for this one

If love is surrender
Then whose war is it anyway?

Do just what I tell you
And no one will get hurt
Don't come any closer
'Cause I dunno how long I can hold my heart in two

If you think that it's so damn easy
Then what do you need me for?
Just look at the state of you
Babe, snap out of it
You're not listening to this

And just for once could you
Let me finish my sentence?

Do just what I tell you
And no one will get hurt
Don't come any closer
'Cause I dunno how long I can hold my heart in two

Make no sudden movements
And no one will get hurt
You're not coming over
If you know what's good for me
Why would I be leaving you?

Now, I've had it up to here
Don't ever try that again
Why are you so quiet so suddenly?
Go on, have it
You're just dying to try me

Do just what I tell you
And no one will get hurt
Don't come any closer
'Cause I dunno how long I can hold my heart in two

So, what do we do now?
What do we do now?
What do we do now?
What do we do now?

"Psychobabble" by Frou Frou

Heh. Know those Crest automatic toothbrushes? The ones you can either hold down the button to operate it manually, or you can click the button down so it spins on its own? ... Well, I'm a big fan of dental hygiene and I carry one of those Crest brushes and a big tube of toothpaste in my backpack when I'm at school [I commute].

I was in my composition class today when suddenly my backpack began to vibrate and purr/hum really LOUD. It was most definately too spastic to be a cellphone, so ppl are looking at me like I have a vibrator in my bag. Ha ha! I said, 'Shoot! Did that thing turn on!' nonchalantly. My male teacher was blushing RED as I reached into my bookbag and slowly pulled out... my toothbrush. I've never seen so many disappointed looks all in one room before.

Yesterday I shit with such fury that the force from my ass caused the toilet to flush on its own.

God damn I was proud...still am, actually.

Sign that my (first) marriage should end #24:

She: "I suppose I'd better let you, so you won't go out and rape someone."

I was completely broke and needed some quick cash to feed my nicotine habit. So I took an almost empty bottle of $4.99 shampoo, filled it with water, shook it up real good and took it back to the store and got my money back.

Damn...those sure were some humbling cigarettes.

"I've made a mental note to myself that if I'm still alive on her 82nd birthday, I'm gonna find her and fuck her up the ass.

"Now that's true love and dedication. "


Notice he didn't say if they're both still alive. That is dedication.

I think that the best I could hope for out of life, would be that when people mention my name it gets painfully quiet and tense until somebody can change the subject.

Love...

Love is when you take it up the ass, despite the fact that you have a perfectly good pussy you're dying to use instead.


Love is when you suck it, not thinking about the fact it had been up your ass just the night before.


Love is when, the next day, you have that awkward moment in which you realize you've sucked on something that's been up your ass -- and realize you don't care.


That said, I now understand why they say only fools fall in love.

my cat likes to sit on my girlf and i's laps when we use the toilet, and he's gotten used to just jumping up on the toilet seat when he sees us going in there. well i go in, lift the seat, and start to pee in the dark, only i don't hear anything hitting the water...then i hear a REEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWRRRR!!!!

turn on the light and yep...i peed on the cat.

So I get on an elevator, and there's this really attractive blonde there. She looks at me and says "T-G-I-F!" with a really big smile on her face.


I look at her, smile, and say "S-H-I-T".


She looks confused for a minute, and still smiling, says again, "T-G-I-F".


I return her smile warmly (after all, she is fine!) and repeat "S-H-I-T".


She decided I don't get it, so she says, "No, no, no. T-G-I-F. Thank God It's Friday."


I give her my best grin and says, "S-H-I-T. Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."


God, I wanted to slap her.

Brag, brag, brag. So I sez to him I sez. Brag, brag, brag:

"Can I get you another Guiness?" - Trent Reznor

"Hello Mr.D, how are you this fine day?" - Kevin Crompton

"I could sit on your lap." - Lisa Loeb

"I'm wearing silver ginch too, see?" - Sarah McLachlan

"Let's take her and her sister to the strip bar." - Tyler from BNL

"Taco Bell huh? That's some cool shit." - Method Man

"Hey guys." - Peter Buck

A lady in Vancouver recently told the police she was concerned about all the deer being killed near a "deer crossing" sign in her neighbourhood.

She asked the police to move the "deer crossing" sign to a place where it would be safer for them to cross.

"The Ninja Of Getting Hammered"

She said "I think you're hitting something down there." I told her it was her cervix. She looked at me and said "I thought the cervix was only something teenaged girls with coathangers could reach." I knew I was in trouble ...

Rhinotillexomania

Google it

There is an old Latin saying, Ars est celare arlem. This means that true art is so subtle that it looks quite natural and simple -- it does not look contrived.

I remember when I was little my dad used to bring home chocolate bars every second friday. I couldn't figure out why it was every second friday but obviously now I know: PAYDAY! LOL. He'd bring all different ones and the smallest kid got to pick first so me and my brother always got shafted with the shitty chocolate bars but it was still pretty cool. It sucked big time when that tradition stopped. I'm not sure if they ran out of money or we got too old...

I could tell from the back of her head she was smiling.

So I guess that's what it's like to wash out your mouth with soap.

The gastrointestinal effects of my initial taste test were minimal, except for violent eruptions of gas throughout the night. These deep tuba notes were completely odorless (perhaps they had been washed clean), but almost disturbingly loud. One honk of the trombone, which occurred at 3:00 am, was so noisome that it actually roused my wife from a deep slumber. "Cut it out," she mumbled, then rolled over and went back to sleep.

I'm a 33 year old black magician. Magic is my primary interest. Most of my time and money goes to it, by far.

I was what many people would consider a magical prodigy. I was summoning demons to visible apparition before I was out of elementary school. It killed at least two before I managed to figure out how to bind it.

No one taught me, I taught myself.

I can raise storms virtually at will. My tarot readings are close to 95% accurate and very specific. I can summon some remarkably fierce beings. Peers have described me as the Picasso of curses and hexes. And I have done things much more astounding, which literally have to be experienced to be believed.

I have bathed in blood for magic. I have fasted for weeks for magic. I occasionally perform rituals which require standing in silence and stillness for 24 hours.

And it is not enough. As far as I see it, I am a novice. I have accomplished a few things, yet I have a long list of things yet to do before I am satisfied.

Just the same, I have a library of close to a thousand books on magic, of every kind. I have read most of them many times. I have memorized a few.

Think what you may of my abilities, but no one can dispute my seriousness.

I was the first person on the Internet to establish major web resources and mailing lists dealing with black magic. I am the founder of necronomi.com. Before that I ran The Familiar Spirit BBS for three years. I am a noted contributor to the alt.satanism FAQ and the principal editor is a close friend of mine.

I've been featured or quoted in New York Magazine, the New York Post, Paper Magazine, Time Out New York, and (supposedly) in the New York Times. And I'm probably forgetting a few others.

In the magical community I choose my friends selectively and prefer to socialize online these days. Considering who and what I am, it should not surprise you that I am a misanthrope. Many of the most credible writers on magic who do so primarily over the Internet know me on a first name basis and consider me their peers.

I hate to brag, but you ticked me off.

If you must call me something, call me an asshole. I'll wear it with pride.

"Simply Irresistible"

Singer Robert Palmer dies at 54

Someone somewhere is thinking.

Yes, they are all out to get you.

The day after the storm
I didnt leave the house at all
They assumed from the lack of prints in the snow
That I had been away for some time
But I was upstairs

And I couldn't hear them
With my headphones on, recording a song
They broke my windows
And walked inside, beneath me as I played on
Unaware of what was going on

As my song began to fade
I heard whispering and then I couldn't breath
They were walking up the stairs
Towards me as I looked for somthing to try and scare them away
And I couldn't find shit
So I grabbed my bass guitar by the neck and held it above me
And hid by the top of the stairs and thats where I was found
5 days after I hit the ground

"Bass Song" by Hayden

Nietzsche: "God is dead."
God: "Nietzsche is dead."

Every 2nd blog has a post saying "sorry for not blogging in so long".

As a verb, "blogging" sucks.

My dog just farted while licking herself, and she got all mad at her own ass, all barking and growling at it.

The other day, my dad calls me and unintentionally reminds me there is always a master and a student. He told me this story:

Yesterday I got a phone call from a telemarketer, and I thought you'd appreciate this.

Hello, this is Alicia, she said, and I'm calling from--

I could tell she was a telemarketer right away, so I said: "Alicia?"

Yes? she replied. Then, in my creepiest voice, I said:

...what are you wearing?

Four full seconds of dead silence later, she hangs up the phone.

Flaming Lips, Rufus, Avril Join Hands For New Comp

You can see the pitch meeting for this one. Rows of severely-tanned gentlemen in matching suits. A sun-drenched California visible for miles (if it wasn't for that damn smog) outside the high-rise windows. The rows of men (and women) gazing intently as two dweebs armed with Magic Markers and posterboard scribble furiously. The gawkers stammering and pontificating as cell phones tremble and whine.

This is the type of album that makes you cringe. Somewhere a group of horribly powerful people are combining the best of "pop music," "adult contemporary," and "indie rock" (for that special zing!), packaging it and attempting to release it on the public for mass consumption by intelligent-music deprived legions. Merry Christmas everybody! Here's your "musically diverse" compilation album, its a real winner! Yes it's become readily apparent that the Flaming Lips will DO ANYTHING. This includes (but is not limited to) special appearances at jamband festivals, 90210, and the "damn, who'd a thought i'd ever get tired of this beautiful fucking song" regurgitation of "Do You Realize?" on VH1 commercials.

Yes, I watch VH1. "I Love The 70's" is monumentally good television.

Anyways.

The comp is entitled Maybe This Christmas Too, and yes folks its the sequel to last year's Maybe This Christmas. The album features tracks by Barenaked Ladies, Rufus Wainwright, Guster, Damien Rice, Dave Matthews Band, Rilo Kiley, Badly Drawn Boy, and Avril Lavigne with Chantal Kreviazak (whom I had never heard of but my girlfriend thinks is hot shit). The Flips provide a cover of Bing Crosby's immortal holiday classic, "White Christmas".

The album is due in stores November 4th.

Bah Humbug.

The tracklisting for this monstrosity is:

1. Rufus Wainwright - 'Spotlight on Christmas'
2. Eisley - 'The Winter Song'
3. Avril Lavigne and Chantal Kreviazik - 'O Holy Night'
4. Rilo Kiley - 'Xmas Cake'
5. Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan - 'Silent Night'
6. Guster - 'Donde Esta Santa Claus?'
7. Be Good Tanyas - 'Rudy'
8. Dave Matthews Band - 'Christmas Song'
9. Oh Susanna - 'Go Tell It on the Mountain'
10. Barenaked Ladies - 'Green Christmas'
11. Martina Sorbera - 'It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year'
12. Badly Drawn Boy - 'Donna and Blitzen'
13. The Flaming Lips - 'White Christmas'
14. Sixpence None the Richer - 'It Came Upon a Midnight Clear'


(Article from http://www.tinymixtapes.com/)

Well....I know of at least 3 people that were in the room when they came up with this. I guess Coldplay doesn't believe in Xmas or Dave wasn't invited to the meeting. I make videogames not music now, and I feel slightly less foolish after reading this.

Menieres Disease

It's official, I got it. It's chronic, uncureable and eventually means I'll be deaf. Not to be too dramatic, it can be controlled with diet and medication. No salt, sugar, no coffee, NO BOOZE!

Maybe I'll drink myself to deaf.

Dear Friends and fellow Wesleynauts,
We are deeply saddened to report that one of our artists, Wesley
Willis passed away yesterday, Thursday, August 21st. Wesley will be
greatly missed by all that had the privilege to know him, as well as
the fans who have been fortunate enough to experience his genius.

Wesley was diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) at
the end of 2002, and had to undergo emergency surgery on June 2nd to
identify the source of, and to suppress internal bleeding. It is not
clear if this bleeding was related to his leukemia or not, and the
exact cause of death is still unknown. Wesley had been recovering at a
Hospice in Illinois, and since the surgery his health had deteriorated
rapidly.

His songs were simultaneously disturbing, hilarious, blunt, and
intoxicating. Wesley's sheer excitement and unaffected honesty about
every cultural phenomenon, defined his music as truly individual, and
truly punk rock.

MODEST MOUSE
W/GUESTS
COMMODORE BALLROOM
NO MINORS/GOVT ID REQD
FRI SEP 12/03 DRS 8:00PM

ATTENDEES = DEB & JAY

WHEEEEEEEEE........

freeze your blood and stab it in to me in to.

jayd is a Collosal Lizard that CANNOT BE STOPPED, Glows in the Dark, carries a Ray Gun, spits Ice, and has a Terrible Roar. Strength: 13 Agility: 6 Intelligence: 8 To see if your Giant Battle Monster can defeat jayd, enter your name and choose an attack: fights jayd using Strength Agility Intelligence

Holden: I'm staring to think.. That you don't get me.
Justine: MAYBE I *don't* get you.
Holden: YOU DO! YOU DO GET ME, YOU JUST DON'T WANNA GET ME BECAUSE I AM TOO INTENSIFIED FOR YOU!

Film: The Good Girl

Watched it last night. Really funny movie. Holden also said something like "You got me. No one's gotten me before. It feels great to finally be got by someone." It just went on and on. Laughed my ass off at that. I don't give a shit if anyone has ever "got" me. Who the fuck cares? Being loved? That's important. But being "got"? Whining about being misunderstood is for pissy teenage emo kids and starving/failing artists. Fuck that. If no one has "gotten" you, then you have a serious communication problem. It's not "their" fault. Make yourself understood you illiterate schmuck!

eracer car.

thumbtack wheel.

eraser car.

Half-Asleep Man Pauses 20 Minutes Between Socks

SANDPOINT, ID—Seated on the edge of his bed, Carl Thompson, 38, paused for 20 minutes with one sock on his foot and the other in his hand Tuesday. "Ugh, tired," said Thompson, who was otherwise silent from 6:30 to 6:50 a.m. During that period, Thompson stared at the wall and teetered perilously close to a reclining position six times.

Koala Pope

Violently unhappy, or happily violent?

After Kakua visited the emperor he disappeared and no one knew what became of him. He was the first Japanese to study Zen in China, but since he showed nothing of it, save one note, he is not remembered for having brought Zen into his country.

Kakua visited China and accepted the true teaching. He did not travel while he was there. Meditating constantly, he lived on a remote part of a mountain. Whenever people found him and asked him to preach he would say a few words and then move to another part of the mountain where he could be found less easily.

The emperor heard about Kakua when he returned to Japan and asked him to preach Zen for his edification and that of his subjects.

Kakua stood before the emperor in silence. He then produced a flute from the folds of his robe, and blew one short note. Bowing politely, he disappeared.

Sozan, a Chinese Zen master, was asked by a student: "What is the most valuable thing in the world?"

The master replied: "The head of a dead cat."

"Why is the head of a dead cat the most valuable thing in the world?" inquired the student.

Sozan replied: "Because no one can name its price."

1st Place: "My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)"
Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.
2nd Place: "Pine Cones Are Complicated"
David Block and Trevor Murry (grades 4) showed how specifically complicated pine cones are and how they reveal God's design in nature.

Honorable Mention:

"God Made Kitty" - Sally Reister (grade 3)
"The Bible Says Creation" - Aaron Kent (grade 5)
"Pokemon Prove Evolutionism Is False" - Paul Sanborn (grade 4)

jay is 100% straight
jay is 42 degrees fahrenheit with a july temperature average of 80 degrees
jay is a big mountain; it may not have as many 'trails' as other places
jay is a common
jay is a common and conspicuous denizen of the west
jay is a complex and unique individual
jay is a dumbass
jay is a founder and chairman of the scientific advisory board of nanomed pharmaceuticals
jay is a great actor
jay is a great eight track recording package that is so easy to use
jay is a guy who knows how to use the modern to serve the past
jay is a heterosexual
jay is a horrific thing to happen to the hip
jay is a long
jay is a loud
jay is a native of lake mahopac
jay is a nerd
jay is a painter
jay is a renowned sleight
jay is a senior at our local high school
jay is a slave to fashion trends
jay is a symbol of the proper use of power
jay is a top
jay is a trial attorney with particular experience in patent litigation
jay is a very friendly guy
jay is a very pretty bird that doesn't seem to be particularly shy of people
jay is about of the size of the jackdaw
jay is also active in international oil and gas matters
jay is also casual
jay is also designing and carving two nine foot in diameter brick circles that flank the entrance
jay is also highly variable
jay is also invite as a monthly recident dj at on in off corso
jay is also is director of the five college tibetan studies in india program
jay is also ranked as a 6th dan in judo
jay is also the fiefdom of bill stenger
jay is an animated instructor who makes his classes fun and entertaining as well as educational
jay is batboy?
jay is between 9 and 12 inches long
jay is canadian
jay is caught
jay is clearly a techno by his appearance because he wears the techno "uniform" of black clothes
jay is coming to melbourne
jay is committed to keeping his knowledge of fitness training and nutrition current
jay is common in suburbs
jay is connected to the following things
jay is correct
jay is currently the resident lighting designer for the everyman theatre in baltimore and a freelance designer in the baltimore
jay is dead
jay is development coordinator with the northampton group
jay is found from east to west as far as north as the tree limit and south to where the northern evergreen forests end
jay is geboren
jay is generally protected by provincial legislation
jay is going to sytlandtaw
jay is gone
jay is gonna kill me for this but
jay is great
jay is happy to offer workshops on christian vocation and spirituality
jay is here now
jay is hiphop
jay is just the right combination of unquenchable curiosity and high
jay is like
jay is like stepping into another world
jay is more then just a sexy stud
jay is most likely to regress
jay is my favorite playground
jay is not
jay is not a mod here anymore
jay is not god
jay is now a second year university student and he's studying to be a pharmacist
jay is one heck of an actor
jay is one of the few men in the world to ever receive this award and is also the youngest person to ever be nominated and win
jay is one of the world's great sleight
jay is open about the poems being not even representative of the poets themselves
jay is our hero
jay is over 18
jay is probably not the greatest skater of all time
jay is recognized as one of the most adept manipulators of playing cards in the world
jay is relocating
jay is right
jay is second to none by bear on may
jay is similar in colour
jay is slowly but surely getting his strength back
jay is so ugly
jay is sooooooo cool
jay is stuck in an artistic straitjacket of his own making
jay is switching to will's decaf
jay is talking about
jay is terrible
jay is that he loves to tell stories
jay is the author of several articles on unix/linux security
jay is the best
jay is the best ever
jay is the coolest roadie in the world and now he has a fan club
jay is the culprit who is doing this mischief and is the root of harassment
jay is the founder of conscious action
jay is the man
jay is 'the master of disco scratch'
jay is the most colorful representative of its otherwise dull family in europe
jay is the most productive ally of the crime family
jay is trying not to paint himself into a corner
jay is ugly
jay is veering too deeply into the philosophical

"When from behind you, someone will utter the stupidest thing you've ever heard in your life, and your brain will come to a screeching halt. And the left-hand side of the brain will turn to the right-hand side and say, 'It's dark in here. And we may die.'"
- L. Black

"Reduce Unwanted Stress By Not Giving A Fuck."

Tony is melting.

No really, he is.

He's melting.

Good for him.

I have a stomachache. I can't exactly say that this is the cause of the weird idea I just had, but it cannot be logically excluded.

I think I might just walk into the bar down the street, have a seat, pull a stuffed Snoopy out of my bag, and sit him on the bar next to me. "Set us up," I'll say, "two vodka gimlets." And then just sit there and write in my jottings notebook for an hour or two and ignore the hell out of anybody else in the place.

I loved my stuffed Snoopy. Mom still keeps him for me.

Monday

Grab both of her breasts completely in your hands and knead them like dough.
posted by Tony from CRANIAL EXPLOSIONS at 10:01 PM

Do It For the Experience
----
Strangely enough. I did that this morning while she brushed her teeth.

"Like every good and retarded Dot Com company, they had a massively bloated and probably well paid staff that got their pink slips while they were still pissing champagne from the launch party."

been there. done that.

And.....yup. Still married.

Out Of The Mouth Of Tony

"I came to this bizarre realization: I am a husband. For example, think of your dad and then say to yourself, 'Jay is one of those....' Wow, isn't that fucked up?"

Spoken only like Tony can. Hilarious...hahahahahaha!

Do It For the Experience

Did I mention I'm getting married on monday?

No?

Well, I am.

For Gil and Harland:

Yesterday I noticed this huge crowd which trailed down the block. I was in a city bus on my way home. The crowd wound it's way around the corner, everyone was facing away from me. As the bus pulled closer I could see the line's ultimate destination.....

KFC.

It was toonie tuesday.

Honest, no lie.

Even if you ate pebbles, your shit wouldn't rock.

The same thing that made him a great frontman for Van Halen might make him a good radio personality.

Roth defines that quality as "belligerent enthusiasm."

"There a thin line between rage and really great art," he said. "As soon as people settle in and get relaxed, it's over.

"You've got to have fury. If you're gonna laugh, laugh to win. If you're not gonna laugh, let me see a war face."

Where did that rage come from?

"Maybe," Roth said with a laugh, "somebody didn't pay enough attention to me as a kid."



David Lee Roth tells Earth about album

Birds.

They chase me. They try to kill me. The number of "Birds Attack" stories that have happened to me are numerous to detail. But the short list:

-"Killer Mazur Budgie" rips open back of my neck while I'm in the fetal position screaming.

-Crazed Sparrow bullets straight for my head in the Granville underpass. I drop to the pavement in the nick of time.

-This Morning a Stalking Crow followed me for four blocks while dive bombing my head. Screaming taunts and curses at me.

Birds hate me. I'm scared of them. Why?

Cause they can fly and I can't. They have the upper hand.

They win.

"Eighties parties are nothing but a chance for incest survivors to bury their memories for a short joyous respite (as long as the Kajagoogoo keeps playing, it's still 1986 and I haven't been molested yet)."

From GIRLS ARE PRETTY

I dated a chick that this refers to. And upon reading this it all started to make sense. Remember her magic code my friends? FK ME DA DE.

Ken and I have started our own cartoon strip.

The two characters are Max and Spanky.

We improvise the dialog on MSN Chat and then I use the dialog as a search term on Google image search and put together the strip.

The logo I designed from scratch and I'm quite proud of it.

Brain Frog - It's a brain in your frog.

Tomorrow I buy a wedding ring.

Huh.

Weird.

So this quadriplegic is waving his piss filled catheter bag at me.

What can I say?

"No thanks. Not thirsty."

Moved into a new space at work. Used to have my own cube. Now share a space with 3 other people. Really fucking sucks.

Went from a veal pen to a pig pen.

Welcome to the modern day high tech sweat shop.

The paraphrase I heard and will remember:

"Art is best when it forgets its name."

The actual quote:

"Art does not come and lie in the beds we make for it. It slips away as soon as its name is uttered: it likes to preserve its incognito. Its best moments are when it forgets its very name."
-- Jean Dubuffet

"Honestly I do not think that I become would shit received ever enough by this. Away to jolly man. Away to jolly." - Gil (again)

Gil's Mystery Blog

Gil, you are one quotable motherfucker!

Away to jolly!

"It is made joke issuing together this time and hope I that we receive to make it again sometime." - Gil (translated back into english)

Gil's Mystery Blog

There is a girl upstairs who applies her black eyeliner pencil after setting fire to it with a Bic lighter so that it "melts onto the skin and stays longer

I could actually feel my intestines rearranging afterwards.

You know what I like? What I really enjoy?

The men's restroom right by my office space has 2 urinals and 1 stall.

It makes my day when I go in there and it's empty. I love that.

And then I can piss in peace.

You see, I have a shy bladder.

I don't think it's very photogenic either.

How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?@Everything2.com

I'm sitting here at my desk listening to the new Radiohead album that isn't supposed to be released yet. Ah the wonders on the Internet. The band is a little pissed cause they say that what I'm listening to is just rough mixes. I do feel for them that their control of music is lost. I'd hate that too. But dam it's a nice album.

The sun is shining, I'm in love, there's champagne in the fridge.

A new age is dawning, the summer is almost here.

I'm happy. And trust me, you don't hear me say that very often. But fuck, life is good.

I blame Debbie :-)

Jeroboam (Founder and first king of Israel, 931-910 BC)
Rehoboam, son of Solomon (King of Judah, 922-908 BC)
Methuselah (Biblical patriarch who lived to the age of 969)
Salmanazar (King of Assyria, 859-824 BC)
Balthazar (Regent of Babylon, son of Nabonide, 539BC)
Nebuchadnezzar (King of Babylon, 605-562 BC).

These are my new Gods. I hope to be able to worship each and every one at least once in my lifetime.

The Truth about my new Gods

“Life is like a crap sandwich. The more bread you got, the less crap you gotta eat.”

I thought there were hell hounds on my trail. It had me worried.

Turned out it was just gas.

Whew. Close one.

I got a girlfriend, she's better than that
And nothing is better than this
(Is it?)
-Talking Heads

Bite my ass. Being childfree means you get a life full of freedom and extra cash. You don't have to be a dick about it too.
The Story About the Baby, Volume 30.

Essential Albums PT 4
1) "All About Me" - Me
2) "I'm Cool" - Myself
3) "We are Better Than You" - Me and My Friends
4) "My Talent Has No Bounds" - Self
5) "Dam, You're Too Good" - Everyone Else
6) "Ahead of My Time" - I and I
7) "We Rock the Harderest" - Us Rock
8) "My Music is Better than Your Music" - Me, Me and Me
9) "You Just Don't Get it Do You?" - Smarter Than You
10) "Greatest Polka Hits" - Weird Al Yankovic

"I used protection. Unfortunately the condoms I have left are these horrible fruit-flavored party-colored things so it stank like hot blueberry fuck in here."

i. If someone has different personal tastes from me, I must convince them to like the things I like.

ii. If someone else makes different choices regarding how they spend their time, those choices (and, indirectly, the person) are inferior.

So due to an unintended redirection my wife-to-be found my blog. She always asked to read it, but I refused just to be a little brat.

So now she reads my blog.

But I refuse to curtail any information that I might have written before.

Like that time she was really drunk and I asked her and she said "I never done that before, but maybe just this once" and I ran from the bedroom to the garage to get the...

...maybe I will hold back just a little.

I LOVE YA BABE!

"The willingness to risk excess on behalf of one’s obsessions is what distinguishes artists from entertainers and what makes some artists adventurous on behalf of us all."

John Updike - October, 1962

“Weird, but in a good way.”

I think it was my friend Jill who first coined this phrase to describe me. It was the first year in which we met while going to school in Saskatoon. That was over ten years ago. I’ve since tried to live up to that. No wait! I just typed that sentence and realized it is a total lie. I’ve never tried to live up to that, I’ve just continued to be me. Do I live up to it? That’s for someone else to decide. It’s simply another person’s observation of me. But I think I know what it describes, deducting from what I’ve been told by friends who say it.

I like things. I like ideas. But moreover, I like new. And I like different. So if it’s a new and different thing or idea, I like it. And different sometime equates to weird. Sometimes these things are something I might wear. Sometimes these ideas are the way I might think. Things I own, things I do, things I say, might be weird to someone else. OK, I can understand that.

Onto the second half of the sentence, why is it in a good way? Again, it’s subjective (do I use a lot of apostrophes or what? that’s just weird :-). But from what I am told, it’s because it can be appreciated or at least understood. People look at the “weird” and can easily understand why I like it, or even like it themselves. They say “That’s so you.” I guess they can see where I’m coming from, what I’m thinking. And I’ve created a sort of communication with them. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m the king of cool, this isn’t me blowing my own horn. A lot of people just call me “freak” and shake their heads (my black kilt being a perfect example).

But most people get it. I show them some weird new thing I’ve made, bought or discovered and they say, “I can see why you like that.” Some even like the same things I do, which is fun. Or even better is when they give me a gift that reminded them of me and my “weird”. That is of the highest honor that a friend could bestow upon me. The most memorable being when my Mother gave me a Gumby and said “I bought this for you cause it’s bent and twisted like you.” I guess the leaf doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Smile.

So I was balls deep in the guy's ass that night when he turns to me and asks for a kiss. Damn. What a fag.

Cirque du Soleil

Sometimes good things happen. I've seen Mystere and "O" already. But I presently have tickets to see "O" in Vegas again after being married in June and I just bought tickets to see "Alegria" in Vancouver in July.

Run on sentence? Yes I am rambling happily!

"It was a total disaster from the start. Being in love with someone in that extreme way - being physically obsessed by someone - is like having some dreadful disease. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

-Francis Bacon

Blind Date Pronounces Every Syllable Of Word 'Comfortable'

INDIANAPOLIS—In what Melissa Mathis, 30, termed "a deal-breaker," blind date Jeff Rochlin, 33, pronounced every syllable of the word "comfortable" Tuesday. "We sat down at the table, and he said, 'This booth's really com-fort-a-ble,'" Mathis recalled. "Then, a little while later, he said something about the 'grilled veg-e-ta-bles.' I'm sorry, but there's no way I could date a guy like that."

We sold the two bedroom. We are still rebuilding the leaky one bedroom and have to cram all our stuff into it.

And I think I'm gay.

Weird huh?

No, really I am gay. Honest. Ask my boyfriend. He wants to go to SanFran for a 3 day love fest.

"But still, it is much better than living in some box shaped apartment with psychoes for neighbors, or sharing garbage bins with several other tennents. Nope, apartment living sucks!"
All things Ken

These words he speaks are true.

Fuck. Still packing. Still moving. Still being sued.

misunderstood genius remains so

"I like the sound of scissors cutting. I like the sound of water and I like the sound of trees in the wind."

- Cat Power

According to noted psychotherapist Dr. Howard Blum, Riesman suffers from a condition known as Chronic Unfulfilled Desire Syndrome, which affects a person's ability to let go of childhood fixations and embrace maturity.

"Some people are never able to overcome CUDS—it can't be medicated," Blum said. "The only thing an afflicted individual can do is try to curb those youthful desires while still in their twenties and pray they aren't still pursuing them at 45. There's nothing sadder than a middle-aged Pez-dispenser collector."

I've decided that with some of the crazy things that have been happening in my life that I need to do something drastic. My life has become of late very busy. I've never really lived a busy life, I'm lazy by nature, just ask my Dad. But with my job becoming a career that deserves and requires extra effort and my home life suddenly turned upside down, I need to find extra time and energy. Everyone else always complains about how busy they are and I never fully understood. I've never been too busy to sit down and drink beer and watch tv. But now I understand them and I'm just as busy as they are. But I still want to sit down and drink beer and watch television. So I need extra energy and effort to get all this crap done and still have that time to relax. Or at least try and relax. So I'm going to do something drastic. I'm going to take drugs. Yes, I am going to take drugs so that I can keep up with this hectic new lifestyle. In fact, I think I better indulge right now, as it's friday afternoon and I'm slowing down. And the weekend is going to be even more physical effort. So I'm going to do something I haven't done since I was a crazy hopped up kid in my twenties. I'm gonna do drugs. I need to. I have to. There is no other option. It's the only way I can help myself, by medicating myself. I don't want to do it, I've been clean for so many years now. I only hope it doesn't become such an addiction again. But I must. I'm going to go do it right now, before I change my mind. I'm going to have a coffee.

I hate that it came to this.

"Gay men will have tons of sex with tons of people, and straight men would if they could but they can't because women won't."

-Dan Savage

", I, in unyielding nonchalance, articulated,"

Partial Quote from: Do It For the Experience

Me having to move back into the one bedroom is like:

Ken moving back to Regina.

Kevin moving back to Regina.

Dickey moving back to Winnipeg.

Tony moving back to California.

Due to legal reasons and the fact that it's a leaky condo we are being forced to sell our 2 bedroom at a loss and move into the 1 bedroom (which is still under repair and way too small for us).

This is going to suck. A lot.

We lose money and have to live in a small leaky apartment for the next few years.

And there is someone to blame. Which makes it only easier to be angry.

Bright side is that is has a great patio.

oh well.

change sucks.

LIFE FUCKING SUCKS.

We've got to move from the 2 bedroom into the 1 bedroom apartment. Which is a leaky condo 1 bedroom.

We've got to sell the 2 bedroom apartment, which we love.

FUCK!

i hate moving